Here goes nothing...

I got nothing today folks. This is just going to be random thoughts that have been on my mind today, in 10 sentence format.

1. I finally received the phone call I had been waiting for last nite. I teared up, I was soooo happy to hear this person's voice. I got the closure that I needed.

2. There's smog in the city today at work, after I announced that I would be putting in my resignation letter tomorrow.

3. It's funny when folks don't need you, they don't pay much attention to you, but when they do need you and you come to the rescue, all of a sudden you that shit.

4. I'm horny as all hell. The text messages he's sending me aren't helping. He better be thanking God we aren't in the same zip code right now, b/c if we were, just dam!

5. I'm so glad that my BFF from high school and I are tight as ever and even becoming business partners.

6. I'm anxious and pray that the job I interviewed for, comes thru, or another one does.

7. I can't wait till my trip to NY for the holiday weekend. I plan on having an IGNANT(yep I said "ignant" time).

8. I'm ready to end this chapter of my life and start the new one.

9. I miss my babies, I can't wait to see them.

10. Thank you God, it's almost time to go!

I Used to Love H.E.R. (Him)

This is my FAVORITE hip hop song ever! Common did his thang w/ this!!!! For those who aren't truly fans of the actual "lyrics" of songs, I'm sure you thought he was professing his love for his around the way girl. If you thought that, by the last lines of the song which go "I see niggaz slammin her, and takin her to the sewer,But ima take her back hopin that the shit stop,Cause who Im talkin bout yall is hip-hop" you knew that he was indeed talking about hip hop. The entire song was a metaphor where he compared hip hop to a girl. His reasoning had to be so that he could reach the masses so to speak. He wanted to reach even those who weren't fans of "hip hop"(not rap..but hip hop).


Common's love for hip hop is intense. You could feel it all thru the lyrics of this song.






There's only been one man in my life that I was intensely in love with. I didn't realize what love really was, until I met him. We aren't together now but I pray that God sends us back together. I talked to his BFF on the phone last nite until the wee hours of this morning. We talked about him(my Ex...ya'll know I'm talkin about WB) and what had been going on with WB. WB doesn't even live in Smallville(what I call the P.O.S. town he was raised in and where I used to live). I was shocked to hear that b/c I had NO idea he had moved.

I felt a twang of {{hmmm thinking of an adjective to describe how I felt}}, I don't know, I felt a twang of "something". If he and I would have had this conversation about WB 6 months ago, I promise I would have been a crying, blubbering mess. I smiled a lot during the conversation, I even teared up, but not one tear ever fell. I will ALWAYS love WB and I'll always be in love with him. I sometimes wonder if, this is maybe why I haven't met anyone that I've been interested in since WB and I broke up. I wonder if God is preparing us separately, so that one day we can reconnect. A small part of me(ok bigger than a small part) is praying that WB contacts me, we'll see I guess.

Whatever happens, I just know that...

I used to love her...(him).

Loving him is wrong..and you don't wanna be right

How many times have you heard the phrase "we can't help who we fall in love with". I used to wholeheartedly agree. I've been in "that place" where I've loved a man that was TRULY not worth my time and dam sure not worth my tears. I'm a nurturer by nature. I give and give and give to my man. I give so much at times that by the end of the day, I've taken away from me and feel pretty empty. Since the end of WB and I(almost a full 2yrs now) I've committed myself to falling in love and staying in love...with MYSELF! That same love that I given to various men in my life, I need to give to myself. I refuse to be treated with anything but respect, love, and admiration.

One of my BFF's(check out my post about "Black folks needing to do better") is in love with a man who I've known for almost 4 years now. He's a pretty good guy(I guess). He is my son's father's best friend(did I lose you?) He is also a father of four(and you know they ain't by the same woman, so don't even ask). He is currently with and living with his youngest son's mother. She(my Bff) called me last nite because she had a question to pose to me. She told me that he had recently started saying "love you" to her. My BFF was mad because he wasn't saying "I love you" but "love you"

*Crickets* Do you hear them? I do! I've explained to her before that ol boy's girlfriend..she ain't going nowhere. She's been there for six years now. This isn't the first time he's cheated on her and we know it won't be the last. She(the girlfriend) loves her man(I guess) and is going to stick by him. She feels that no matter how many cum dumpsters he has on the side, she will always remain wifey and to her, that's all that matters. My Bff feels that obviously "wifey" ain't doing something right beacause if she was, he wouldn't be all in her face and telling her I love you..and giving her money, etc.

Sigh. I'm sure I don't even really need to say how I feel about this one. Let's discuss.

Great things are brewing....

Tonight I have finalized 2 of 3 important business ventures I am embarking upon. I am beyond excited(and a little scared) but know this is going to be something GREAT. I feel like to be truly great at something you must be passionate about it. ("Life without passion is unforgiveable" (c) Sean Diddy Combs) The journey that I will be embarking upon is one that I am truly excited about and will be good "practice" so to speak for what lies ahead in my life. I don't want to speak to much on it(just yet), but just know....the world isn't ready for what I'm about to bring it.

This is me:2008, This is me: 2018

On Tuesday, my boss and I sat down and talked. I dropped "the bomb" that I would be leaving my job in a little less than a month. I told her that she has been a WONDERFUL boss to me, but there were "goals" that I needed to work on. I believe these goals would be best worked out back in the Midwest. She was sad to see me go and let me know that ANYTHING she could help me with, she would.(That made my heart smile, the quality of my work and my work ethic had not fallen on deaf ears). She asked me to really consider if I wanted to leave my Federal position and "take a chance". I didn't tell her that trust me, this "chance" that I'm taking is worth it--to me.

She told me to sit down and write out an introduction of sorts, of me right now in my current life..as of 2008. She then told me to write out an introduction that I want to give someone in my future life...2018.

Here goes....

2008
Hello, my name is Mzinspiredmind81. I'm a 27 year old mother of two. I currently work for the Federal government in an Administrative position. I am exactly two pre-requisites away from starting my MA work in Criminal Justice with a focus on Rehabilitation Counseling. I live on the East Coast, but will be moving back to the Midwest in a little less than 4 weeks. While back in the Midwest, I plan on getting my Masters degree and saving up the money that is needed for my first home. I have all sorts of plans swirling around in my head but getting that MA and my home are the two most important. I'm doing everything I possibly can to give my children the same upbringing that I had. I will NEVER use my single parenthood as an "excuse" as to why my children can't or won't have all that their hearts desire.


2018

Hello, my name is Mrs Inspired Mind-( ). I'm a 37 yr old mother of three. I am married to the love of my life and am just absolutely blessed. I am currently Director of my own non-profit business that helps both adults and children. I am also co-owner of one of Columbus, OH's leading Black day spa's. I am a Prevention Specialist in Houston, TX. I know you wonder how I manage to take care of all that I have going on. I'm extremely blessed as I said before. God has been good to me. I've stayed focused and accomplished more than I could have ever dreamed.

The Day Innocence Died....

My Dad used to be a basketball fanatic. Don't get me wrong, he still is, but nowhere near the capacity that he was when I was much much younger. I have so many memories of us sitting in our basement watching the game, any game on tv. My mom likes sports too, but this was just Daddy and I's time. There was a young stand out player by the name of Len Bias. My Dad loved everything about this young man's game. This young man had his whole life ahead of him. My dad believed he was going to be a force to be reckoned with on the basketball court. That was until the day innocence died.

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/eticket/story?page=bias&lpos=spotlight&lid=tab1pos1

Being only 5years old, I didn't understand the harsh reality of what happened. My dad tried his best to explain to me how drugs were very bad and could make bad things, like this happen to good people. I don't know why, but Len Bias has always remained a thought in my head whenever I see a game of basketball being played. Maybe the day he died, my innocence was taken with him.

Imus be stupid....

Some people just DO NOT get it. I am sick and tired of people letting ignorant shit come out of their mouth and them thinking that feigning ignorance or being terribly misunderstood is going to cut it. Well, maybe it will w/ some folks, but not with me.

For those that haven't heard, Don Imus made yet ANOTHER ignorant remark regarding Adam "Pacman" Jones of the Dallas Cowboys. During a conversation regarding Jones's recent run-ins with the law, Imus asked "what color is he" and when he was told that Jones was African American, his response was "there you go. now we know."

I think what is most insulting is that he then tries to say that he was trying to make a "sarcastic point". What point were you trying to make Imus? The only point I see you making is that you are a racist ass hole that thinks that you can get away with saying whatever you want b/c if you give an apology all will be forgotten. The fact that in a new article Imus says that the criticism surrounding his remarks were "ridiculous" and that his program's cast is even "more diverse" now with a black producer and two black co-hosts. The fact that he needed to point out the diversity of his show, to me shows just how ridiculous HE is, NOT the criticism surrounding his latest comments. Imus said that what he meant by his comment was that he was trying to call attention to the unfair treatment of blacks. If that's what his true intent was, why didn't he say more than "there you go, now we know". That's a pretty open ended statement, how the hell do you honestly think the world would know what you were getting at?

Imus do us all a favor and just admit, what the world already knows. You really do look at black women as nappy headed hoes and that b/c a man is black, his run-ins with the law make sense.

I Wanna Love...like that

I've been lazy today. I woke up around 11:15am, ran a few errands, came home, had lunch and have been vegging on the couch. I've alternated between watching movies and listening to my iPod (on shuffle of course). I've watched Boomerang 4x since Friday nite. I just got done watching Love Jones and now Love and Basketball is getting ready to go in the DVD player. I LOVE movies like these.

They give me hope. I haven't been with anyone seriously in almost 2 yrs, I know that's not "that long" but it's felt like an eternity. I am a very lovable person. I have a big heart, as you can imagine that can be both the gift and the curse. In these movies, were quotes or innuendos that hit close to home for me.

"Epiphany....when you know who you love" -Boomerang


"You always want what you want when you want it. Why is everything so urgent with you?(Nina) Let me tell you somethin'. This here, right now, at this very moment, is all that matters to me. I love you. That's urgent like a motherfucker."(Darius)- Love Jones

"I'll play you.(Monica) For what?(Quincy) Your heart.(Monica)" - Love & Basketball


Sigh. I cried at the end of each movie(as I always do). I can remember being in H.S. or even my early years in college, I believed that every man I dealt with had the potential to be "THE ONE". My mom used to tell me "girl, you don't know know what love is, and when it hits you, it's nothing you can do about it". I would protest and tell her I did know what love was and that I was sure, that he(whomever the "he" of the moment was, would be the one).

In December of 2005, I met my bff's then new boyfriend. He was an extremely nice guy and I was happy for her. I was officially ending a relationship with my son's father and was fed up with anything that looked like it could be love. I met her boyfriend's bff. I immediately disliked him. He was VERY arrogant and a smart ass. I got into a situation where he(we'll call him WB) was the only one around that could help me. WB helped me and went above and beyond the call of duty. My being in distress gave us a chance to talk and get to know each other. We soon started hanging out and I realized that maybe I was falling for this dude. We had lots of good and bad times, when it was good, it was GREAT and when it was bad, it was HORRIBLE. There was something about the other that we both agreed, we could NOT leave alone.

When I made the decision to move to the East Coast(6/2007), we were not together. I asked him to move with me, even proposed to him(yea it was THAT serious). He said the only reason he couldn't, or wouldn't was because of his daughter(obviously, I'm not her mother). The first few months of my living here on the East Coast, I prayed that he would call and say he was on his way. We stayed in touch for a while. A couple of weeks before Thanksgiving(which I was flying to OH for) I wrote him a "4 Page letter". I poured my heart out, I was gut wrenchingly honest and put it all out there. I finally realized that my mother was right way back when. I hadn't been "in love" until I met WB. I didn't even have that same feeling w/ either of the kids' dads which is crazy but c'est la vie right? I didn't get a reply to my letter but had confirmation from his bff(remember that's my bff's boyfriend, well now he's her ex..but I digress..) that he did receive AND read the letter.

The entire flight to OH, my stomach was in knots. I knew I would see the man I loved and had no idea what it would be like. We saw each other and it was strange to say the least. He acknowledged that he "understood what I meant" in the letter but he refused to talk about it. He then proceeded to tell me about someone he was "dealing with". I did so good ya'll. I'll never forget how my heart felt. I felt like crying, screaming, slapping him, but I did none of the above. I kept my cool. It was at that moment, I realized that "we" would never be again.

I went into a stupor of sorts after that. I became a cold callous person that turned countless guys down for dates, friendship, an sex. I just wasn't interested in anything a man could offer me. I didn't ever want to experience the pain I felt when I realized that WB and I were REALLY over. I started to care less and less about how I dressed or anything. I was to busy to deal with something as trivial as love.

I was Superwoman. I took care of two kids, was in school(still am), and was a FT Federal Government employee. I didn't have time to deal with a man. Well, even Superwoman gets lonely. I've started to put that pep back in my step so to speak. I've prayed to God to let me release the baggage in my head and heart that could be separating me from meeting THE ONE. I've realized that it's ok to want companionship. I've looked inside myself and started work on changing the things that I need to change.

The next relationship I'm in, I want to make sure that I'm bringing something to the table. I want to make sure that I'm an asset and not a liability. We all know that liabilities don't make good business or life sense. As the days go by, I'm opening my heart back up to love. I'm preparing myself to become the woman that any man would be proud to call their own. I'm observing and realizing the mistakes I've made and learning from them. I want a love like Marcus and Angela where even though mistakes have been made, an epiphany is had and you KNOW who you love, not who you THINK you love, but who you KNOW you love. I want a love like Darius and Nina who despite time and proximity never stops. I want a love like Quincy and Monica where not only do we grow together but we are there for each other thru the growing pains.

I wanna love...like that.

WTF is going on w/ this world?

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25272678/


Sigh...go ahead, I'll wait. WTF is going on w/ this world?? When I was in H.S., my best friend had my god daughter at 16 and then my god son at 18. She was doing very well academically and was the captain of Drill Team. As you can imagine, things drastically changed when she became a parent. Working was no longer an option but a requirement. She had a mouth to feed. I can remember my mom telling me that if I got pregnant, cheerleading and all my sports would be out and that I, and I alone would be responsible for this life.

I wasn't ready for that sort of responsibility. I wanted to worry about what I'd wear to the Homecoming dance and what college I would be going to. I couldn't see getting up in the middle of the nite to feed a baby or have to find a babysitter if I wanted to go out. I asked to get on birth control and my mom agreed. My father was pissed, but my mom felt that it was best.

I had sex education in the 8th grade but I didn't take it very seriously then, b/c I wasn't having and wasn't planning on having sex. My sophomore year in H.S. I had sex ed again in my Health class. I paid a little bit more attention because even though I hadn't had sex yet, I had been thinking about it a lot more lately.

In this day and age, 12yr olds are not only having sex but getting pregnant. WTH is going on? Where have we as a society, no as parents went wrong? Seriously, what is going on! Are we so caught up in our own lives as adults that we've let our children grow up on their own terms? When I was 12, I had NO room for anything like that to happen. My mom was so far up my business that I barely could breathe without her checking on me. Now that my own "mini me" is here, I hope she realizes that I'm on her ass like white on rice until she's 18(and actually it will be until I can't be on her ass anymore b/c I'm dead).

This blows my mind. Ya'll made a pact to have babies at the same time and have baby showers? Wow...really..I mean seriously. I only hope that these girls grow up(b/c if anything does make one grow up, it should be having a child). My hope for the children that these children are having is that their mothers realize they are human beings and not cute play things. Sigh.

Why You Can't Take Black Folk no where.....

Disclaimer: I am a Black woman, so please DO NOT think the following post is that of a racial rant.


It's 6:53am on Thursday morning, I am off work today and tomorrow. Why am I up so early you ask? Well, I was supposed to get up at 6:30am, finish some light cleaning, and be on my way to the airport to pick up one of my BFF's. She was flying in today from OH so we could celebrate her born day weekend in A.C. My phone rings at 6:15am, and it's her. We'll call her "Cheri". She ask me "are you up?" I look @ my alarm clock and realize it's not 6:30 yet, so I say "nope, but I am now..what's up". She starts with a long "sigh", my eyes immediately pop open b/c I know I'm going to be in for a conversational "treat" (said w/ the enthusiasm of a car sick cat). She said "I don't know where to begin and starts sniffling". She starts in about how her car note was taken out of her account 2x, and the person who was going to take her to the airport just got there(mind you it's 6:15a, her flight leaves @ 7a...you do the math). She also mentioned that she hadn't yet bought her return ticket home, b/c she was trying to "save money". Ya'll let me tell you, I was/am rendered speechless. I don't know if it's because I'm the type, when I'm going on a trip, all my ducks are in a row, weeks if not months before I leave. Maybe it was the fact that I wasn't really up yet, but what she told me shook me awake.


I, being the Capricorn that I am, leaped outta bed and got on my laptop and proceeded to Airtran.com to see if there were any later flights. I told her that I would call while she was on the phone to see if she could fly standby on a later flight today. Her response was: "I already tried calling them and I was on hold for ever, so I just hung up". Umm....what? Insert *blank stare* here. Why would you hang up, or if you did hang up, why wouldn't you call back? I mean seriously it wasn't even 7am, and it's not like your on the way to the airport to catch your flight. Needless to say, I got thru to a CSR in about 5min. She said that there was availability and that standby could be flown(flew?? hmm). I relay what I was told to Cheri and she says ok, she was about to try and make some calls to drum some $$$ up.

At that point, I wanted to tell her to just forget it, a weekend that "I" had meticulously planned out and used two of my Annual leave days for now, was kinda sorta um..RUINED! We needed to be in A.C.(Atlantic City for the slow..lol) by 3p for check in time. We were only staying overnite and then planning to come back here and hang out in DC for the weekend. I don't know if I'm more pissed off, that all her ducks weren't in a row, yet we've been planning this since February or if maybe it was, I fail to believe that all of these conundrums were happening to her at once. Dam, is that Murphy's Law at it's finest or what?

I'm waiting on her to call back and on the hotel's reservation department to open. I might as well cancel the trip. It would be almost no point in going now. I really love my friends, but some of them have GOT TO DO BETTER. I mean COME ON....BLACK FOLKS! sigh.

12

TWELVE

12 months ago…I was packing up my life and moving from OH to MD.

Twelve weeks ago…I was impatiently waiting for Spring to "sprung" in the DC/MD/VA area.

Twelve hours ago…I was sitting at my desk at work, actually working...(insert *gasp* here)

Twelve minutes ago…I was reading a blog that I really like

Twelve seconds ago…I was hoping he'd call back.



Twelve months from now…I'll be a yr and some change away from having my MA in Criminal Justice w/ a focus in Rehabilitation Counseling


Twelve weeks from now…I'll be back in OH, living and loving life (I'm speaking my world into existence)

Twelve hours from now…I'll be on my way to Atlantic City w/ one of my BFF's

Twelve minutes from now…I'll be probably laying it down for the nite. Me sleepy

Twelve seconds from now…I'll be getting up to blow out the tart in the bathroom that's burning and the oil that's burning in the kitchen

Hows It Goin Down...

**IPod Meme(what's on the mind of my Nano..lol)**


1. IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
~Do You by Ne-Yo

2. WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
~Come Close to Me by Common and MJB

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
~Insomnia by Jill Scott (hmm well I would like him to have insomnia when it comes to thinking of me! *smile*)

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
~Are You that Somebody by Aaliyah (haaaaaaaaaaaaaa this is EXACTLY what I'm wondering about "him")

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
~Lessons Learned by Alicia Keys (Totally agree, I feel that my life's purpose is to learn from my lessons and inspire others w/ what I've been thru)

6. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
~Creep by TLC (Abso freakin lutely NOT...Disclaimer: the views of my ipod are NOT the views of MzInspiredmind81)

7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
~And The Beat Goes On by The Whispers (yea, agree w/ this too..they know I keep it moving..regardless..no dead weight in 08)

8. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
~Mrs. Officer by Lil Wayne

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
~Be Without You by MJB (this was an Ex and I's song..and I do still think of him often)

10. WHAT IS 2+2?
~I Miss You by Aaron Hall

11. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
~Party Life by Jay-Z (HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA very true!)

12. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
~Hair Braider by R. Kelly

13. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
~Joy by Leidisi (indeed, I have been blessed)

14. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
~That's the Way Love Goes by Janet Jackson

15. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
~Think of You by Usher (Again, right on the money)

16. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
~Don't Wanna Be a Playa by Joe

17. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
~Treat 'Em Right by Chubb Rock (I absolutely plan to treat my hubby RIGHT)

18. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
~Freak Me by Silk (OMG...*faint*)

19. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
~Work it Out by Keyshia Cole

20. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
~Phone Home by Lil Wayne

21. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
~Oochie Coochie by MC Brains (ewww not so much, ok thanks!)

22. WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS?
~Hows It Goin Down by DMX ft Faith Evans

When Myspace goes terribly wrong.

I tried to post the actual video in this post, but couldn't get it. Click on the link and listen to the newscast. Go ahead, it's ok..I'll wait.

http://www.eviplist.com/go/title/Video_-_13_Year_Old_Black_Female_Lies_About_Age_on_Myspace-com_and_Sends_Two_Men_to_Jail


Finished? Good, hmmm..where do I begin. I'm quite sure when Tom(Creator of Myspace) founded Myspace, he had no visions of the "ruckus" Myspace has caused. It was designed to be a "social networking site". It has instead caused marriages and relationships to deteriorate, friendships to end, and has become the "street corner" of the Net so to speak with sexual propositions and innuendos on many a page. It's even caused a girl to commit suicide because of a cruel "joke" that was played on her by someone's mother(come on now!) http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/06/16/internet.suicide.ap/index.html?iref=newssearch


The first video, regarding the 13yr old girl is shocking. It's sad that two mens lives have been changed because of a "CHILD" tryin to "BE GROWN". The one question that I ask myself is though, where is her mother? I know as parents we're not able to guard our children EVERY.SINGLE minute but COME ON! I have a 16yr old cousin who has a Myspace page. Her mother checks her page at least 2x a day. My little cousin feels her mom is being "nosy", I feel her mother is making sure that nothing is going on that clearly shouldn't be. I don't understand why "Tweens" and "Young teens" feel the need to have Myspace pages and then portray themselves as something they are not. I have cousins who are 2(yes I'm dead serious) who have Myspace pages. I have to shake my head at their hood ass mothers and fathers(who are my cousins) and ask wth does lil Ray Ray an 'em need a dam Myspace page? I mean seriously! Do you feel that these two men should have been charged as they have? Do you think that the crime should be that of the 13yr olds? Let's have a debate.